Windex Is Awesome
by NightingaleLost
Summary: Heh, revenge and Windex make a great combination. XD


Hahahaha, I was reading kyleisgod's Porn Wars (oh my God that was amazing, go check it out!!!) and I was inspired. Luckily, he's amazing and he let me use the general idea of revenge for my own purposes, so yeah, totally kickass. Lol, I had fun with this. Expect a Dip oneshot fic coming up soon! (Yay, self-advertising!)

**Disclaimer: I don't own South Park, or Windex. XD**

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*****

"Jesus Christ, Butters, why do you have to be such a pussy faggot?!"

"Why d'you gotta be such a fat jackass?!"

"I'm not fat, you little fairy bitch! At least I don't look like a pedophile's dream come true!"

Butters glared at the larger man, ocean-blue eyes set in a dark scowl.

"Fine." He leaned over, grabbing a pillow and comforter from the bed. "If I'ah'm such a l'ttle fairy faggot, then I'ah guess you wouldn't want me sleepin' next t'you." The slender blonde made his way to the door, the bundle held in his hands. "I'ah'm sleepin' on th' couch tonight."

"Whatever." Cartman snorted, flopping down back onto the bed.

Butters slammed the bedroom door behind him, stomping into the living room and tossing the pillow on one end of the couch that was pushed up against the wall. Lying down, he curled up under the thick comforter, wrapping it around himself as angry tears prickled his eyes.

So what if he bought a Harujuku Lovers perfume? It smelled good and the little dolls were really cute! But _noooo_...Eric had to go and be a jackass and call it _gay_. Stupid, fat, asshole, prejudiced, whiny bastard.

He shivered. Even with the thickness of the cover, the rest of the house grew cold at night, and it was creeping in to tickle his skin. A sad pout danced across Butters' face.

He didn't ever feel cold with Eric next to him.

* * *

Morning dawned, and Butters slowly woke up, his small mouth opening in a dainty yawn. Sitting up, he looked around, his usual early-morning god mood deflating.

Oh yeah, they'd had that stupid fight last night.

He scowled. Well fine. If Eric wanted to be a homophobic hypocrite, then it was up to him to show Eric show much of an idiot he was being.

He just had to find out how.

* * *

Cartman straightened up, wiping his hands on a rag. He was cleaning down parts of the engine of his beloved truck; for some reason, oily deposits had been building up around some of the metal, and he thought that eventually he'd have to have a mechanic look at it.

He glanced out of the overlarge shed toward their house, a frown on his features. Butters had been sullen and moody all morning and afternoon; he hadn't even made him breakfast or anything! He didn't mean to insult Butters like that last night, it was just, come on! What kind of faggoty shit did he buy?!

Cartman sighed. He tried to tone down the insults around the blonde, after all, the better 'behavior' he had, the better mood Butters was in. And the better mood Butters was in, the friskier he was in bed. He shuddered delightedly. Jesus fucking Christ, that little bastard was a freakin' tiger between the sheets.

But anyway, he'd probably have to apologize or something, or he wouldn't get laid in a week. Cartman growled. He hated apologizing, even if it was to his sexy lover. Sighing again, he was just about to leave, when his cell phone vibrated.

Taking it out of his pocket, he looked at the number. It was Butters. Eyes narrowed in confusion and surprise, he flipped it open, holding it to his ear.

"Yeah?"

Butters' hesitant voice came through the speaker. "Eric...um, about last night..."

"Just spit it out, Butters."

"Well, I'ah'm real sorry, Eric. I'ah didn't mean t'yell at you or nuthin'. I'ah might've overreacted; it _was_ a l'ttle gay."

Cartman's eyes widened. Holy crap, he didn't even _have_ to apologize! Sweet! He tried to sound cool and aloof. "Yeah, it was just a stupid fight. Don't worry, Butters, I'll forgive you."

"Aw, shucks, thanks Eric." Butters' voice suddenly turned sultry. "Y'know, I got a little somethin' else when I'ah got that perfume..."

"Oh, really now?" Cartman tried to contain the excitement he felt. Butters' tone was kinda turning him on...

"Yeah...how 'bout you look at th' house an' see for yourself?"

Cartman looked toward the house again, and his jaw dropped. Butters was standing by the open back door, wearing a skimpy see-through baby blue negligee, half open and exposing milky white skin and light blue Hello Kitty panties. As he watched, Butters let it slip down his shoulders, baring them invitingly.

"I'ah was thinkin' that maybe we could go up t'the bedroom...an' play around a l'ttle?" Butters purred into the phone. "An' you could forgive me a l'ttle better?"

Holy fucking shit, he had the best boyfriend _ever_!!

Cartman ended the call, shoving the phone back into his pocket. He could feel the bulge in his pants growing bigger with every second he stared at the alluring sight. He took off tward the back door, mind already planning sixteen different ways to make Butters scream out his name.

As he ran, his mind nagged at him to remember something, but he ignored it. However, it slammed into him with the force of a ton of bricks as he smacked into the sliding glass door. Amazingly, it didn't break, and he bounced off of it, falling flat on his ass.

What the fuck?!

Giving him a wickedly triumphant smile, Butters locked the door in one smooth motion, going over to sit on the couch in front of the television. Cartman pounded on the glass.

"Butters! Butters, open the door! Dammit, open the door, please! I'm fucking sorry, alright! Butters!!"

Butters smiled, fondly patting a bottle of Windex window cleaner next to him. It really _did_ work. He giggled, opening a bag of Cheezy Puffs as Cartman continued to plead outside. Munching contentedly, he sighed happily. He'd let him in sooner or later.

Preferably later.


End file.
